The Perils of Facebook: Revisited

Oh goodness. I just found this letter in my 'other' direct message account on Facebook. 

Too good not to share.

Alright, can I just start by confessing that I have never heard of the "Susan Boyles Music Band Show fan site." In fact I don't think there is such a thing as a Susan Boyles Music Band Show. Wouldn't you need one of those to have a fan site? And though I like the lady, I'm not even associated with any Susan Boyles anything.

FYI Alex, I'm cool and humble as well. It's like the perfect combination.

i like dancing and cuddling too (you should ask Jessie Humphries she's a master cuddler.) i also like to know where sentences end. your entire letter was written in 2 sentences and only broken up because you had to put in that question mark. i don't like driving long distances so i'll just have to pass on that. girls who do that get buried in plastic bags.

I'm glad you told me that you're 60 because it's good to know upfront when people are twice your age.

I have online friends all around the world and I was surprised to see that there are many parts of the world where grammar rules are thrown out the window and SO much of what they write is just written phonetically without any worry about punctuation. This letter doesn't really make me think USA despite the LA reference.

Did I already mention that you don't have to use an expensive online dating service. Seriously you can just make your own dating profile and just send it off to random women.

Thank,
You grab my heart,
Shelly

The Perils of Facebook. Part 2: Chatty Cathy's

Do you ever wish that chat didn't exist on Facebook? This post is a homage to creepy Facebook chats. (I'm sure I have more but I just included two)

Here is a 'chat' with a girl from Zhuhai (China):

VP: (She has an active account so I won't use her name or pic)

do I know you?
ME:

No, I think you friended me. Am I wrong?
VP:

well yeah I didn't. but anyway, thanks for adding me on Skype!

I mean will you add me on skype?
ME:

Why? So we can Skype? I usually only Skype with family.
VP:

yup. please add me on skype (skype address)
ME:

Cool. Gotta go.
VP:

okay but you really will add me on skype, right? it's a PROMISE between you and me! and by the way, I love to write.

Alright, I'll admit I didn't keep my promise. I also don't remember making that promise but I did appreciate the exclamation point at the end and the final attempts at finding common ground.

Then there was a guy who would try to chat with me almost every time I logged on FB. I couldn't figure out how to hide that I was on facebook or block him. In our conversations he found out that I don't go clubbing, I don't drink, I'm happily married with children, and I live on a farm (I'm not sure where he got that idea.) I learned that he had a huge publishing company in India that he never really had to work (he had employees for that) and he just bought a hotel in New York (he likes to travel for work- 'do you like diamonds? I'll bring you some.') I clearly entertained his chats for too long (maybe 3 chats) but I figured out an easy way to block him. 

Unfriend.

My favorite conversation-

HIM: (Once again, active account)

Hw yu sexxy?

ME:

(Name), why are you calling me sexy? It's kinda strange, ya know...me being married, us not really knowing each other...my picture being of a dead actress from the 1930s

HIM:

I thought it's ur pic...awwww

Unfortunately this wasn't the last time he tried to chat with me.

And then to just put a cherry on the top of this post, check out this chat attempt today:

Never spoken to him (?) in my life. But he's waiting for me...his dear.

Anyone else feel like this is what is trying to grab your attention online?

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So PLEASE tell me that you get these kind of 'friendly' interaction on social networking as well. 

You probably have even better stories than I do. Please share and we can commiserate in stories of strange spam tactics and lonely men from foreign lands.

The perils of Facebook. Part 1: Who needs online dating?

Alright, I know I'm not the only one who gets these private messages on Facebook and Twitter but I thought I'd share a best of with you. So without further ado, Norb:

Aww, sweet Norb...chuckling...I can't wait for you to tell me more about the women that King Henry used then killed or abandoned. It would make me feel so royal (British History. Is that where "England" is? Thanks for the tip.)

In order to really appreciate the comment that he likes the way I smile like no one is looking (as if that statement can't just be appreciated all by itself) I would like to share with you my current FB picture.

When nobody is looking, that is how I smile.

Before you think I'm a drama queen, I would like to tell you that I was trying to take a picture like the Bette Davis picture I had been using as my profile pic and failed miserably. I was dressed for church and thought, 'this is as good a time as any,' so I set up my camera and auto-took this picture. Apparently I should have used a tripod. But it was an interesting shot so I kept it. There, see, I'm not as noir as I look.

For just a minute when I read, "looking perusing," I thought this letter was written by Lady Redundant Woman, my favorite super villain on Word Girl.

I posted it on Facebook and got some awesome responses. Possibly the funniest being this one:

Just a few days ago I got a private message from Douglas.

Norb? Norb is that you? I can't help but notice your lack of capitalization.

You had me at 'babe.'

a big kiss on YOUR heart, General!

Umm, I think you missed your demographic though. David is roughly my father's age and to make it creepier my father is named David. So I'm thinking I'll have to pass Norb.


I hope before you join one of those fiddle-faddle online dating services you'll realize that you can just hit on married women on Facebook for free.

Distractions

One of the best tools I have against distractions is self control. Actually that should have been capitalized; Self Control.

Self Control is free software for Macs that locks you out of whatever you decided to tell it to lock you out of. Just put it on your blacklist and you can't get into it even if you turn on and off your computer.

Anyone feel more productive before some agent/editor/author told you to get a 'platform'? These are the things that I lock myself out of. And when I say lock, you really are locked out of whatever you tell it to lock you out of. (Say, three hours without Facebook, Twitter, and Blogger.)

It is a life saver and it's FREE!

But I should remind people to donate to kind folks who share their talents for free. Call it Karma.

Anyone have a good suggestion for Window's users?

Titles that Grab You

Why is it that when I read that title I keep seeing this?

Those hands move, so I really don't think you should reach for that tootsie roll. It's just not worth it.

Have you ever stopped to consider what titles make you read further?

What tweets make you click the hyperlink?

What Facebook posts intrigue you enough to go to the blog?

What blog titles, sitting so benignly on the sidebar bloglist, make you click on them even though you KNOW that you have no time?

I know I have. I am a sucker for a good title. If it looks intriguing then I click. So I thought I'd share with you some of the things that I have learned from tweeting, facebooking, and blogging. Titles matter. So here are a couple of tricks.


Title Trick: The Direct Title- Though you might think that this is a lame trick, hear me out. Google search bots aren't the best at humor, stylistic writing, sarcasm, parody, irony, etc. They don't have an algorithm for it. Sometimes if you want your blog post to get search results you might just consider a direct title (or at the very least tag it well). Of course when you go to tweet and facebook the post you are welcome to be more creative. But sometimes a direct tweet or facebook post works just fine. Free ebook or Interview with famous person.


Title Trick: (do something) like (an expert)- Sew like Martha Stewart, Party like Paris Hilton, Facebook like Zuckerberg. You could even add Learn to to it (Learn to Write like Stephen King) if you are using it for your blog title as well. This would generate more search results, as people might search learn to write and find your blog post!

I have some more tips and tricks but instead of just telling you them all upfront, I'm going to practice them on this blog. 

So watch for Title Tricks this week 

(if this is more than a week old you can search Title Tricks to find them)






Any title tricks of your own?

Oh, the troubles of new technology!

I feel like such a teeny tiny blue bird hopping around aimlessly on Twitter. I am having so much trouble understanding the medium. I can Facebook, chat, video conference, text, email, and blog but I'm a pretty terrible tweeter. I keep looking for the 'like' button. I want to make a brief comment about someone's tweet but not subject everyone who follows me to this "LOL" or "Me too!!"

I just have to remind myself that I am not the first person who was befuddled by new technology.

I am willing to take any Twitter advice anyone has for me.

I'm pretty Twerrible. 

(Yes, I just said that. No, I won't delete it.)

Why I have an Author Blog...

Alright, I have known I should be doing this for a while now. It's been poking at me and pestering me for the past month. Yesterday a friend said she would cyberstalk my empty blog waiting for me to post. But still, nothing.  I even told myself this morning, that I should start it next Monday (Why Monday? All I knew was that Monday wasn't today.)

Then today on writerunboxed I saw this article on having an author blog.
Today!
It's like the universe was hitting me on the head.
I get it.
I get it.
I get it.

So here I am.

I highly recommend reading the article on writerunboxed as it applies to marketing social media and very few of us can consider ourselves exempt from that nowadays. It talks about the idea that having a twitter and a facebook is not enough. You control your material better on blogs. That is a universal idea.