Monday, July 30, 2012

The perils of Facebook. Part 1: Who needs online dating?

Alright, I know I'm not the only one who gets these private messages on Facebook and Twitter but I thought I'd share a best of with you. So without further ado, Norb:

Aww, sweet Norb...chuckling...I can't wait for you to tell me more about the women that King Henry used then killed or abandoned. It would make me feel so royal (British History. Is that where "England" is? Thanks for the tip.)

In order to really appreciate the comment that he likes the way I smile like no one is looking (as if that statement can't just be appreciated all by itself) I would like to share with you my current FB picture.

When nobody is looking, that is how I smile.

Before you think I'm a drama queen, I would like to tell you that I was trying to take a picture like the Bette Davis picture I had been using as my profile pic and failed miserably. I was dressed for church and thought, 'this is as good a time as any,' so I set up my camera and auto-took this picture. Apparently I should have used a tripod. But it was an interesting shot so I kept it. There, see, I'm not as noir as I look.

For just a minute when I read, "looking perusing," I thought this letter was written by Lady Redundant Woman, my favorite super villain on Word Girl.

I posted it on Facebook and got some awesome responses. Possibly the funniest being this one:

Just a few days ago I got a private message from Douglas.

Norb? Norb is that you? I can't help but notice your lack of capitalization.

You had me at 'babe.'

a big kiss on YOUR heart, General!

Umm, I think you missed your demographic though. David is roughly my father's age and to make it creepier my father is named David. So I'm thinking I'll have to pass Norb.

I hope before you join one of those fiddle-faddle online dating services you'll realize that you can just hit on married women on Facebook for free.


  1. *snirk* Fortunately no one knows who I am on facebook (seriously, I've an account with no friends apart from my other half).
    But I do get some random emails. From some guy going on about an orange county ... >_>

  2. This is so funny. It reminds me of what Tina Fey did with her book in response to people writing her weird things. You should write a Tina Fey book, but call it Shelly Brown! I know, I'm a genius! ;)

  3. So funny!! I have also got several private messages like that. One of them even starts the same as Norb's, but without the Henry VIII references LOL Pathetic people that we need to ignore, that's it.

  4. My self-esteem has taken a serious hit, because I have never been hit on through a private Facebook message before! Maybe my profile picture doesn't look mysterious enough...or maybe I smile as if everyone is watching, and that's just not as attractive.

  5. That is soooo creepy and funny at the same time.

  6. This is super creepy. Good thing Chad has a good sense of humor :) Do people actually think this would work? Maybe it does on some people? So sad.

  7. You could streamline the process and give the handsome general your bank account number along with your email address.

  8. Shelly, I'm happy to report that my troll wasn't nearly as creepy as yours. It must be you "smile" that attracted them, because, obviously, it's much more attenuate than mine. :D

  9. Hahahaha! These are HILARIOUS! I especially loved Chad's.

  10. Ha! Awesome post. I've been feed up with the spammers on FB and Twitter too. I seem to be on the list of porn peddlers who want me to 'friend' them so I can come see their 'fun' videos. Eww... 50 shades of gray behind a dumpster...


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