Janitors by Tyler Whitesides

I'd like to pretend like I have an ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) of this book...but alas, I do not.

(If you would like to read my review of this book you will find it at the end of the post in RED. Apparently not reading a book doesn't stop me from reviewing it.)

I can say that if you want to buy a book from like the nicest author in existence (no offense to my other author friends) you will want to buy this book from Tyler Whitesides.

Seriously, nicest guy.

Don't believe me?

How about some testimonials:

"Ty is a really nice guy. He's fun to tube with in the summer." -my brother.

"Tyler did a musical with me. He was really funny." -my cousin.

"Tyler played football for my team but I don't know what you want me to say about him." -my dad

"Ty is one of the most amazing percussionist I have ever heard." -my other cousin.

"Tyler Whitesides is the biggest kidney donator we have. We have saved 125 children, this year alone, from all of his kidney donations. He also donated one of his eyes to a blind kid." -my uncle the doctor

Oh my gosh! I know what you're thinking, right???

What? These are all from your family and they probably aren't even real. 

*You're so foolish! Of course my family is real!*

Where can I get one of these books?!?!

Well, you can wait until August 3rd 

or you can pre-order one for $13 on Amazon

Go check out his cool website, too.

And if you're on Twitter you should follow him because he has less friends 

than I do and he's MUCH nicer than I am.

Janitors summary 

Stolen from Amazon 

(Please don't turn me into the Amazon police, I heard that they offer you to their rainforest snake gods if you don't have a Brazilian passport.)

Have you ever fallen asleep during math class? Are you easily distracted while listening to your English teacher? Do you find yourself completely uninterested in geography? Well, it may not be your fault. The janitors at Welcher Elementary know a secret, and it s draining all the smarts out of the kids. Twelve year- old Spencer Zumbro, with the help of his classmate Daisy Gullible Gates, must fight with and against a secret, janitorial society that wields wizard-like powers. Who can Spencer and Daisy trust and how will they protect their school and possibly the world? Janitors is book 1 in a new children s fantasy series by debut novelist Tyler Whitesides. You ll never look at a mop the same way again. 

(I've never read this) Book Review

I found this book to hit on a lot of existential problems that exist in the public school system but in a humorous way. The witty banter between The Teachers Union and the Janitors keeps you coming back for more. I am glad that someone finally acknowledged the fact that the powdered soap in Elementary bathrooms is really just pink sand. The funniest part was when we found out that Welcher Elementary was owned by the grape juice family and they just added the -er so that the IRS couldn't track them down. It was a riot!

If it had one weakness I would say that it needed more pictures. Especially of the School District Superintendent. She intrigued me but I was having a hard time envisioning her. When I visited the local one, out of curiosity, I was somewhat disappointed. I was hoping she looked more like the picture below.  Somebody pay Brandon Dorman more, please.

Heck: Where the Bad Kids Go

I just got done reading this book and let me tell you, Dale E Basye is a comedic genius!

Heck is about siblings, Marlo and Milton, who died mid-mall thieving fiasco and found themselves plopped right into Limbo (the first of the nine circles of Heck.) There are demons standing outside of the Unwelcome Area brandishing sporks and a sign that reads "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here (as well as all cameras and electronic recording devices.)" Bea "Elsa" Bubb, the principal of darkness, appears and beckons the children on. They march beneath the arm of a red plastic devil who's sign says "You must be this short to enter Heck" and eventually under a burning pole with demons chanting, "How low can you go?"

Let me just share some of his funny stuff:

The kids have just been told there are only 17 people in "the penthouse" of heaven and they are guessing who they are:


"George Washington?"
"Ah, yes who could never tell a lie," Bea "Elsa" Bubb spat back. "But he seemed to have no problem owning slaves and leading thousands to war."
"Joan of Arc?"
"French," she answered.
"Mother Theresa?"
"She once had the gall to take a day off after contracting dysentery."

Basye also includes in his author bio a few words about the book:

"There is a time that chafes against childhood and adulthood, leaving a rash that never quite goes a way. Sometimes it itches uncontrollably, and no one can see it. It's like when you wear swim trunks for too long out of the pool. Heck is like that..."

I think comparing Jr. High and High School years to a bathing suit rash that never goes away is brilliant on so many levels!

If you are looking for fodder for your creative juices this is it. But as a warning, this is a Middle Grade (8-12 year old) book and is full of fecal jokes. He's writing to 8-12 year olds; it's his doody.