Don't See This Movie

By release date:
click on the titles to watch bits of the actual movies


Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie 

Do you ever wonder who decided that this would be a good idea? 

-Oh, I've got one. You know those stickers that kids collect of Cabbage Patch Kids gone wrong? We could make that into a movie!

-Like a cartoon?

-No dude, LIVE ACTION!

-I swear if you weren't the studio exect's son...

This might have been what killed cute little McKensie Astin's career.



Troll 2 
(This text is taken from The Former 786's blog post on unrelated sequels- Thanks man!)




Original: Believe it or not, there are two characters named Harry Potter in this 1986 horror film (JK was a big fan, I guess). It tells the story of a troll king who possesses a little girl and wreaks havoc on a San Francisco apartment complex. Troll was actually a straightforward horror film and did pretty well at the box office.

This Sequel: One of the most interesting things about Troll 2 is that there are no trolls in the movie. None. The movie is all about a group of vegetarian goblins who live in an isolated town and attract new prey through house swapping. The film was directed by Drake Floyd (aka Claudio Fragasso) who felt they could piggyback on the success of the first movie by using the name, even though there was absolutely no association between the two films. This is probably the most unrelated sequel out there today and it's possibly one of the worst films of all time.




Battlefield Earth

Once upon a time I worked in the movie theater and it was one of my favorite jobs ever (can you say 'all you can eat movie popcorn and free movies'?)
One night we got a sneak peek at Battlefield Earth.
I sat there at midnight (I had nothing better to do that night) with my friends and free popcorn (did I already mention that part?) ready for anything. Anything but that.
I didn't pay for it, I had no expectations, I had NOTHING BETTER TO DO (did I mention this already?) I could even heckle it if I wanted (it was just staff), but I still left about 30 minutes in. I wasn't tired. It was just bad. I really am at a loss for words to describe it.
It was so bad that the screenwriter actually apologized last year. He blamed it on wanting to meet Scientology women. This explains so much...