These Are Words of Wisdom: A Tale of an Unlocked Hotel Room in Vegas

This story needs to be shared somewhere.

Call it therapy.

One summer when my kids were still really small we decided to drive them to Disneyland. I nabbed us a hotel in Las Vegas to break up the drive and pulled up to ‘the city that never sleeps’ around 2 am. I booked the hotel online and was a little leery of the place when we arrived but when we got up to our 24^th floor room I could see that it was a pretty fancy hotel.

Two A.M is a tough time to get a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and two 1 year olds to back to sleep. The one-year-olds were the trickiest. Chad needed to sleep to be our driver the next morning but fortunately my 16 year old sister was there to help. She and I laid with the twins until they fell asleep then we climbed into our beds.

I was drifting when I heard someone wiggle my door handle.

My first thought: DON’T YOU DARE WAKE UP THOSE BABIES, YOU CRAZY MAID!

I leapt out of bed and reached the door right as an Asian man wearing nothing but a pair of whitey-tighties walked in. He was young, probably in his 20’s, and he was tall, somewhere around 6 ½ feet or so. He seemed rather intoxicated. Note that I said intoxicATED not intoxicATING. Our conversation went something like this:

“Ummm, this isn’t your room.”

He looks around confused.

“You’re going to have to leave. This isn’t your room.”

“Mmmm. You…ummm.”

“I’m sorry you’re going to have to leave.” My mama bear hairs were bristling. I was barely conscious but I knew that if this guy woke up my kids I would pull out my claws.

He cocks his head to one side and with a thick accent asks, “Does your bathroom work?”

“Yes, my bathroom works…” But before I can finish he is pulling down his whitey-tighties and walking into my bathroom.

Someone please tell me what the proper thing was for me to do. I beg you. Even thinking back on it I can't figure out what I was supposed to do and my sleep-deprived-brain was useless in the moment. I stood there flabbergasted at first but after he started peeing I just went back to my bed and sat on the edge waiting for him to finish so I could properly kick him out.

I could hear Chad snoring.

And I could hear this man peeing FOREVER. He must have had a lot to drink. 

Then he finished and flushed. I jumped from the bed but before I could reach the bathroom he had already left out the door. I BOLTED the door (something that we should have done before), then checked the bathroom (he made it in the toilet, right?), and then slumped my way back to the bed.

I crawled in bed next to the sleeping Chad and listened for my kids but they seemed out.

Then my sister’s tiny voice asked, “Is the scary guy gone?”

The wimp had totally faked sleeping through the whole thing!

Moral of the story: 

I don’t care what time you get in, or how crazy-sleepy you are, you ALWAYS bolt your hotel room door.

OR

If you are about to become the victim of the next CSI: Las Vegas episode don't expect a 16 year old to save you. 

OR

If you are ever approached by a tall drunk Asian man in his underwear, just let him pee.
(These are words of wisdom, ‘let him pee’)