SECRET CHRISTMAS INTERVIEW

By Chad Morris

Chad: (after sitting at the table wondering what I was going to blog about) So Shell, what’s your favorite Christmas Movie?

Shelly: Ummm. My favorite favorite? I like Home Alone. I like the family comedy of it. And I love Christmas Vacation—that’s kind of a confession. Oh, and Elf. Clearly, this is all Hallmark Channel stuff. I like the old school stop-motion too. Well, Rudolph more than any of the others.

Chad: I’d probably have to say The Grinch—both versions. Dr. Seuss was a genius as far as I’m concerned, but as far as movies go, I think I love the Jim Carrey one a bit more. (doing a dead on impression) “If you so much as utter one syllable, I’ll hunt you down and gut you like a fish. If you’d like to fax me, press the star key.” (Okay, so it was a pretty mediocre impression.) Not much can beat Jim Carrey in an ugly green hairy suit. I love Elf too. It’s the only movie where I can trust Will Ferrell.

How do you feel about Christmas books?

Shelly: Are you interviewing me?

Chad: Kind of.

Shelly: Don’t you think you should have told me?

Chad: Not really.

Shelly: Are you typing everything I say?

Chad: Most of it. . . . So how do you feel about Christmas books?

Shelly: They earn a lot of money. I just don’t read them. Did I mention that I don’t watch Hallmark movies? There’s a correlation there. I wouldn’t be opposed to writing one. . . I just don’t read them.

You set me up. You knew my thoughts on that one.

Chad: Guilty. I’m not a huge fan of them either. If it can be meaningful without sappy, then I really quite like it, like A Christmas Carol. Of course my favorites are Luke 1-2 and Matthew 2. I just love when Simeon meets the baby Jesus for some reason. With that said, maybe sappy has a place. My mom used to read us The Forgotten Carols and one about a lady in a rest home every year. And every year I fought it. I must admit however, that they kind of won me over every time. I don’t read them now though. I guess, I think if we’re reading the really substantial stuff and want to supplement it with sappy, I’m okay with that.

Favorite Christmas song?

Shelly: Hark the Herald Angels . . . and Silent Night.

Chad: I’d say Angels We Have Heard on High. Oh, and I love it when all our kids try to sing the Glorias. That’s what they call it—the Gloooooooooooooooooria song.

What’s your least favorite Christmas song?

Shelly: Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time. I mean how many times can they say it? That and Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart. It just sounds like any old pop song that was turned into a Christmas song. If it didn’t have the word “Christmas” in it, it would have been dead and gone a long time ago. I wonder if Lady Gaga threw the word “Christmas” in Paparazzi if it would be around for the next few decades?

I know what you’re least favorite is though.

Chad: Yeah . . . Christmas Shoes. If it is a true story, then it’s actually really quite touching. But if not, it just doesn’t make sense to me. Why would a dying mom need shoes? I’m pretty sure they don’t even wear them in heaven. And why would the kids be in the shoe store while their mother is dying? I know it’s trying to be touching, but it just doesn’t connect with me. And again, if it is true, then the kids don’t have to make sense.

Shelly: Oh, do you know what, my least-least favorite is? Baby, It’s Cold Outside. I think that girl should run out of that creepy guy’s house. Run to your family that’s clearly waiting for you. He’s probably a psycho killer just waiting for the drugs in your drink to kick in. RUN!

Chad: Agreed. Plus, does that really work? I mean as far as temptation goes, that’s really lame line –“It’s cold outside.” Is Satan running out of material here? Not very convincing.

Oh, and I’m not a big fan of Santa Baby. It just seems wrong on various levels. But on to better stuff. What do you like about Christmas now?

Shelly: Our kids are ridiculously enthusiastic. Even after we told our 10-year-old that Santa wasn’t real, he still believes. He thinks I’m like the mom on Miracle on 34^th Street.

I also like to Black Friday shop.

Chad: Masochist.

Shelly: Hey, I usually have all my shopping done, the week after that. Of course that doesn’t stop me from buying other stuff.  

Chad: Yeah, I’ve realized that. And I love our enthusiastic kids too. Especially, when they are literally jumping up and down. Fantastic.

Shelly: I know. Over new jeans. You can’t bottle that enthusiasm. And I love being with family and laughing a lot. Like we did when we were little. It’s because we have the time too. Nothing pressing, just goofing around—like when we were little.

Chad: Anything you don’t like about Christmas?

Shelly: Snow. But I hate that in January, February, March, and April. And when it’s sticking around in May—not fond of it.

Chad (now typing to you). That’s it. Feel free to tell us about your favorites, and least favorites in the comments. MERRY CHRISTMAS!