Dishes, Yams, and the Turkey Bowl

By Chad Morris
Thanksgiving is all about having a sense of humor. Okay, it's about gratitude, but anytime you get that much family together a sense of humor is pretty high on the list of requirements (right underneath pie, but about 27 places above yams). So in that spirit, if you’re taking a break from cooking, dishes, watching football, or even fat doggin’ it before you go back for more food, I thought I’d give a few suggestions about how to improve Thanksgiving.

1)   Men do the dishes. (No, I’m not acutely aware that most the people who read this blog are female. Why do you ask?) Yes, I really mean it—me included. I’m just checking the score then I’ll be right in.  

2)  Replace yams with . . . anything. As the famous pilgrim William Bradford once said, “Yams are nasty. Give mine to Squanto.” (Highly Official William Bradford Biography, page 42.) Okay, maybe yams are okay. Maybe I’m just scarred from scooping up a large portion of what looked like marshmallows only to find mushy vegetables underneath—completely false advertising.

3)    Revamp the Turkey Bowl. Now don’t get me wrong. I love a good family football game. In fact, I played last Saturday and am still sore from trying to prove that I’m still young. However, when I was a child and first heard that a bunch of guys were getting together for their annual Turkey Bowl, I pictured something a lot cooler . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . .BOWLING WITH FROZEN TURKEYS. Oh . . . that's what you thought of too. Kind of anticlimactic. (Looks around awkwardly) Well, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s an awesome idea. Let’s give it a shot.

Oh, and the 9ers are on the comeback. I’ll tackle the dishes in just a minute.